Lesson 18 - A guide to university vernacular

Your vocabulary at university will change. Even if you don't notice it, I promise you it will! So you don't get lost in a melee of new words, I've put together this teeny-weeny guide just for you.

Fresher - first year student
Lecture - a session lasting one or two hours in which a tutor talks about/explains a topic

Seminar - a group of 10-15 people in which you discuss the content of a lecture, guided by a tutor

Tutorial - a one-on-one session with you and a tutor, often to discuss essays in the lead up to a deadline

Standard - average, about par for the course

Down it fresher! - drink all of your remaining beverage in one, first year student

Banter - something which is funny, often owing to the fact that it pokes fun at someone

LAD - a person who acts with "laddish behaviour" ie watches sport, downs pints. See the website truelad.com for further information on what constitutes being a LAD

Winner - something that is good, and makes you a champion of life

Living the dream - being on top of the world; at the stage of bliss where you're not sure if life gets better

Doing a TFS - going out on a Thursday, Friday and Saturday night in one weekend

Vegging out - doing nothing apart from sitting on the sofa/in bed and probably watching copious amounts of Come Dine with Me

Battered/trollied/carparked/wasted - drunk

SU - Student Union, sometimes used to refer to the Union bar

Initiations - AVOID. They're often against Union law and are designed, mostly, to make you vomit

Chundering/hurling/vomming - being sick

Rah - daddy owns a couple of boats, aforementioned "rah" is kitted out in Jack Wills and spends money like water. See the characters of Made in Chelsea for more, also check out the Gap Yah video on youtube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKFjWR7X5dU. It's got nearly 4 million views for a reason!

Lesson 17 - Freshers' week small talk

You'll talk to a LOT of people in your first few weeks at uni. To make an impression, you need to perfect the art of small talk. 

In case you're in any doubt as to where to start, here are my stock questions for small talk/introductions.

THE BASICS

What's your name?

Where do you come from?

What course do you do?

THE UNI-RELATED QUESTIONS

What halls are you in?

What have you been to/going to in freshers' week?

What societies have you joined/will you be joining?

How are you finding uni so far?

THE ABJECT DESPERATION QUESTIONS

Have you come straight from school or did you have a gap year?

What's your timetable like?

Obviously, some of these questions are weaker than others. Just relax, go with the flow and if you clearly don't click, make your excuses and leave. There are plenty more people to talk to, why waste your time on someone who will only depress/annoy/anger you? Some of the questions will inevitably lead to you discovering that it is a really small world out there. For instance, a guy on my course who has now become one of my best mates from uni, lives just up the road from me. I'm talking scarily close - but I'd never met him before uni. As well as this, when talk between my new flatmate and I turned to our home county of Kent, it transpired that he had attended the same foam party as I had just the previous week. (Stop judging me for going to a foam party, you cheeky so and so).

If you get to the stage of adding people on that social menace we all love to hate, Facebook, the "mutual friends" feature can also throw up some scary social connections. Who knew that an old friend of mine from school was good friends at university with one of my housemate's best friends from home until the Facebook feature told us so? 

The seven degrees of separation really must exist...

Lesson 16 - choosing the perfect graduation outfit

If you've made it all the way to graduation - congratulations! While graduation day is one of the best in your young life, the lead up to it can be super stressful. You have to sort accommodation, tickets for your parents, whether it's appropriate to invite your nan/auntie/cousin/nephew and, not forgetting, your academic dress!

Graduation is really formal, and if you'reanything like me, knowing you're going to have to look smart is a nightmare of gargantuan proportions. Somehow, I managed to pull it off, and I watched an awful lot of graduation ceremonies with a variety of outfits going on. So ladies and gents, it's time to get your wallet out and start taking notes on what to wear...

No matter what gender you are, make sure you check the colour of your gown and the colour of your sash. No one likes a red/pink colour clash. That's just not cool. The colour of your sash is particularly pertinent when it comes to the finer details of your outfit. For the ladies; this means accessories such as earrings & hair bits. Gents: I'm talking tie colour.

You've also got to check what colour your gown is. If you've got a grey gown, a grey skirt/trousers will leave you looking on the wrong side of "thunderstorn cloud". My advice: no matter what colour your gown - ladies should go for a blouse/black skirt combo, and gents should stick to a classic suit. Do NOT try and wear your suit jacket underneath your gown. You will look like you have massive shoulders but in a "chubby chubster" way, not a "I've been working out" way. 

Some ladies do opt for a dress, but this can either be really right or really wrong. A pattered blue dress under a navy gown: right. A bright red minidress: wrong, wrong, wrong! Vis a vis shoes - make them match your outfit and make sure they aren't ones that you're going to topple over in as you shake the Chancellor's hand. You do not want to be THAT girl.

Being the helpful student blogger I am, I've found three blouses for you, suiting three different budgets. You can thank me later. 

SKINT - Matalan £8.00

STUDENT LOAN - Topshop £18.00

SHOPAHOLIC - Whistles £110.00

Lesson 15 - Surviving a festival!

So, you've arrived, your tent is set up and you are ready to go. Festivals can be daunting for any first-timer, so I've got some quick bullet points to set you on your way. Your festival is what you make it, so these are just loose guidelines and stuff I've learnt.

• Stick together. If you can stay with your group, do. Finding each other via the medium of flags and speakers while shouting down a mobile phone "BUT I CAN'T REALLY SEE YOU" is never fun. Of course, going it alone isn't too bad but it's a good idea to be with someone, particularly late at night. 
• See what you want to see. I've already said that your festival is what you make it, and you don't want any regrets about not seeing an act. Even if you have to stand at the back on your own, make sure you don't have any regrets when you go back to reality.
• Take a map with you at all times. Wandering around and trying to find a stage, especially at Glastonbury (which is proper massive), is unbelievably frustrating. 
• Dare to do something different. Particularly at Glastonbury, the music is only part of the story. There's so much to see and do, so why not try something a little bit out of the ordinary. Try some yoga, get a massage or get creative.  
• Trust your friends. If your camping buddy says they're going to see a band and you've got some time free in your schedule, why not pop along with them? Some of the best acts I saw at this year's Glastonbury were courtesy of recommendations from my housemate Olivia. 
• Take photos! I think every occasion needs plently of photos and festivals are no exception. Whether you buy a cheap digital camera or revert back to lovely disposable cameras, it's always nice to relive the memories. 
• Drink enough water. No one wants to faint from dehydration. I know the toilets are minging so you want to avoid them but I'm sure you'd rather hold your breath for a bit than be carted off in an ambulance.
• Don't get too drunk. I refer you to the blog on freshers week waaaay back near the beginning of the creation of this site. For a start, you don't want to be the annoying drunk person that everyone else has to look after. Second, being too drunk in a dark festival, in the middle of a field, when you're not sure where your tent is, can only be a bad thing. It might sound dull, but know your limits.
• Don't take anything dodgy. You have no idea what's in the things that you buy, or who is selling it to you. As well as this, drugs are illegal in festivals as much as in the outside world.
• Above all, make the most of it and have fun. You never know when you're going to get the opportunity again, so soak it up and make the most of every single second. Lose those inhibitions, dance like no-one's watching, sing at the top of your voice and laugh like a drain. 

The Glasto 2010 crew on the last night. Exhausted, but loving life.

Lesson 14 - Choosing and preparing for a festival

Going to festivals in those long summer holidays is an integral part of university life for some people. Festivals are a unique experience to share with friends, and something you'll remember forever.

You need to pick your festival first. One thing that's amazing about living in the UK is the amount of festivals that go on in the summertime. Whether you're into pop, rock, dub, grime, house, dance, hiphop or just want an all-out hippy experience, you'll find a festival for you with a decent amount of research. You can also decide whether or not you want to camp at a festival, or just get day passes/go to a one-day indoor festival.

You could, alternatively, choose to go further afield and check out a festival abroad. If you've got serious money to burn, Coachella festival takes place in California, and tends to kick off the international festival season. Closer to home, Benicassim festival is hosted in Spain every July. Remember, if you go for a festival abroad, you're going to have to factor in travel costs such as flights and transfers.

As I've only graced Worthy Farm with my presence, this lesson (and the other festival-related lessons) is based around attendees of the legendary Glastonbury festival! However, there are some basic "festival-etiquette" rules that are applicable wherever you choose to go. 

Your preparation for any festival is key. Make sure you have a tent that is going to keep you warm and dry. Getting into a damp tent is going to do nothing for your mood when you're tired and unwashed. Similarly, check that your sleeping bag hasn't got mould growing in it and pack wellies and a waterproof coat.

You also need an adaptable festival wardrobe that can cope with sunshine as well as the somewhat inevitable showers. A pair of trousers, a pair of shorts and then vest tops with a hoody to chuck on the top is a pretty winning combination. Make sure you don't take anything away that you would mind getting ruined, especially shorts/trousers. I chucked my jeans away at Glastonbury. They were muddy, ripped and would not have been socially acceptable anywhere but at Glasto. As well as this, pack toilet roll and wet wipes galore. The "festival wet wipe wash". It's not nice, but it's a necessary evil. Make sure you've got some sun cream as well.

It's up to you how much money you decide to take to your festival of choice. This amount will hinge on whether you're buying all of your food and alcohol at the festival and whether you want to buy souvenirs and so on. We normally buy just one hot meal a day and bring bread rolls, crisps and spready cheese for lunch. We also haul alcohol there, so end up taking about a tenner a day to live on, just to be on the safe side.

Queuing in '09. Tough times.

Getting to Glastonbury is by far the most stressful part of the festival. Transport links are really good, and the organisers have recently introduced "Green Traveller" lanyards, which give those who travel to the festival by public transport certain benefits. However, you've got to be prepared to walk a fair distance with all your festival baggage. The same applies to driving to Glastonbury. The car parks are, on average, a half an hour walk away from the centre of the site. You've also got to be prepared to queue to get into the gates. The first time my housies and I went to Glasto, we sat in a queue for a good couple of hours before chancing it and diverting down some tiny country lanes.

Lesson 15 - Surviving a festival COMING SOON!

Lesson 13 - Making friends using the wonder of YouTube videos

Yeah, there isn't really much of a lesson to be learnt here, I'll give you that. It's more an excuse for me to put some funny links on my lovely blog. However, I put it to you that sharing YouTube videos in coursework/exam time is a crucial part of your friends thinking you're hilarious. It doesn't even take that much effort - all you have to do is copy a cheeky link and provide your pals with some entertainment. 

The key to a good YouTube video for sharing is all about length and content. Your chosen video should be no more than a couple of minutes and it needs to make you laugh. No one wants a thought-provoking video, or something that's going to set the world on fire. They just want some mindless funsies.

To set you off, I've posted my top 5 YouTube videos for you to watch, share, watch again, and keep watching until you're blue in the face.

1) YouForgotBlueberries.com - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqEeP1acj4Y

Watch until the end for goodness sake. It's immense.

2) Jeremy Kyle - How to spell father - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zekd4iNru6M

Don't be too amazed. Just be glad you're not him.

3) Chimpanzee riding on a segway - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPGUIpv-JxI

Yes, it's very odd. I defy you to not get this little ditty stuck in your head ALL day.

4) William and Kate - alternative "proposal" interview - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiXQHBeC2dI

Because Royal Wedding banter is still funny.

And finally, because no YouTube list for the modern generation is complete without it...

5) Rebecca Black - Friday - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

There's a reason why this badboy has millions and millions of views. 

Post your own hilarities in the comment box. I dare you.

Lesson 12 - Making the perfect cup of tea. I'm not joking, it's an essential student lesson

Recently, thanks to making friends with some proper tea-lovers, I've found that there's nothing better than a good cuppa to bond with. All you need is a kettle, mug, teabag, milk, water and a buddy or two. And biscuits. 

Obviously, everyone likes their tea a bit different. Know your audience. Ask your tea-drinking buddy how they like theirs and adjust your tea-making accordingly. Be considerate - you'd want them to do the same for you wouldn't you? Of course you would!

Unless you're a real tea enthusiast/really prepared, you'll be making your tea in the mug, not in a teapot. That's far too high class for an impoverished student. Also, who wants to be messing about with a whole POT of tea?!

Shove a teabag in the bottom of each mug. Boil the kettle and get some milk out of the fridge while finding a spoon and some sugar if required. When your kettle has boiled, pour water onto the teabag, leaving a good centimetre at the top of the mug (so you have room for milk). Depending on what teabags you use, leave the tea to brew for a bit. I use Quickbrew, so the tea is ready to go in a few seconds. 

Spoon your teabag out of the mug and pour in as much or as little milk as you like. Milly, George and I (that's us on the right, they're the aforementioned tea-loving friends) all like our tea on the milky side, but my housemates Lucy and James prefer theirs a bit stronger. If you have sugar/a sweetner, now's the time to put it in and give your tea a cheeky little stir. According to my Dad, you should stir tea 7 times anti-clockwise and then once clockwise. I don't really give a hoot about how you stir it to be honest.

Everyone knows that a good cup of tea is made better by the dipping of biscuits. Milk Chocolate Digestives come highly recommended. However, if you want to keep it cheap and simple, there's nothing like a good Rich Tea. For goodness sake don't leave that biscuit immersed in tea for too long - no one likes soggy biscuit floating about in their beverage. 


Dip, sip and have a good old chinwag. You've earned it.