Lesson 9 - My guide to rubbish student telly

Whether you watch it on catch-up online, on your tellybox or just buy DVD boxsets, there are a few staples in any student diet vis a vis television. From trashy to trendy, funny to flippant, every student needs some downtime after a long day in the library. So, here's a short and simple guide to rubbish telly and where to find it. 

First up, and oh how it pains me to write this, it's GLEE. My housemates and I refused to watch the first series, dismissing it all as trashy rubbish that ruined our favourite songs. Now, we're hooked. Maybe it's because we caught on late, after Gleemania had reached it's peak, but the squeaky clean singing and cheesy storylines don't seem as annoying. Put simply, Glee is a funny, tongue-in-cheek look at life when you're not the coolest of kids. And I HEART Sue Sylvester. 

For something completely different, try EMBARRASSING BODIES for size. For goodness sake don't watch it when you're eating your dinner though. Your macaroni cheese will start to look like that guy's fungal infection. Gross. For some reason, this cringeworthy look at the itchy, scratchy, smelly and downright disturbing things that are wrong with people is totally addictive. Be warned, it can be guilty viewing though, as you'll find yourself thinking; "I am so glad I'm not them right now". Why people choose to get their inverted nipples/green penises/purple backsides out on national telly, I'm not sure. But I'm ruddy glad they do. Even if I'm hiding behind a cushion a lot of the time.

For the guiltiest of guilty pleasures, check out THE ONLY WAY IS ESSEX. No one is really certain about how to classify TOWIE. It's not quite a soap, they're real people you're watching. It's not quite a documentary either, because some of the scenes are set up. My LORDY it is a drama though! The Only Way is Essex hit out screens in late 2010 and had a nation hooked. Bringing the phrase "Oh shu'up" (oh, shut up, but much more common and hilarious) to our screens, TOWIE has left us all asking big questions. Who kissed who when? Why does Lauren keep going back to Mark? Why does Harry insist on doing the splits every 20 seconds? And how on earth are they all that orange? Sit back, relax and prepare yourself to be completely involved in the lives of some random club promoters and big-breasted girls from Brentwood. Oh shu'up!

An honourable mention goes to TOTAL WIPEOUT, which can fill an hour of your life with ease. There's really nothing quite like watching someone run at, and consequently bounce off, some massive red balls. The show should come with a warning: you will definitely want to enter Total Wipeout, and most assault courses will look extremely appealing. 

Along these lines, if you're into schadenfraude (taking pleasure in the pain of others), JEREMY KYLE needs to be in your life. It's Jerry Springer, but Jezza gets angrier than Jerry and it's filmed in Manchester. DNA test results and lie detector results are the best; if you switch on and luck out with a "results" show, you are permitted to do a little cheer.

Finally, the mother of all student telly - FRIENDS. First aired way back in 1994, Friends is a timeless classic that has well and truly become the big daddy in terms of student television diets. There's always an episode on, it will always make you have a little chuckle and sometimes, just sometimes, you might shed a cheeky tear or two. Any man, woman or beast who gets through a university degree without watching a single episode of Friends deserves a medal. Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe transport themselves into student living rooms across the country every single day. And by God, do we love them for it. Guaranteed, you and your mates will be trying to work out which of you is which "friend". If you can't work out which of you is Phoebe...chances are, it's you.

Where can I find them?

Total Wipeout - BBC1 and BBC3

Glee and Friends - E4

Embarrassing Bodies - C4

TOWIE - ITV2

Lesson 8 - The hangover prevention

The big mumma of all cures

We've all been there - the morning after the night before. You wake up with a serious case of DMS (dry mouth syndrome), a horrific headache and your stomach is really not happy with you and your abuse of it last night. If you had a burger/kebab/cheesy chips, man are you in some serious trouble.

So, being the lush, lovely and really kind student blogger that I am, I've been there, heard the stories and am opening the door on the ultimate hangover cures. 

First up, arguably the most controversial of all hangover cures - the much fabled T.C., or tactical chunder. By the way, I am NOT AT ALL saying getting so drunk you're sick is ok, far from it. However, if necessary, the tactical chunder can go some way to stopping your hangover from being completely immobilising. Once you get yourself into a toilet when you're drunk, it's surprisingly easy to just bring some of it up. 

Second, get yourself some toast when you get home from your night out. You'll go some way to soaking up some of that alcohol, as well as give yourself some time before going to bed to sober up a tad. 

Next up, water is your friend. I used to make sure I downed a pint of water before I went to bed and my mate still swears by a couple of pints before he hits the sack. However, I personally found that gulping down water would send the alcohol shooting around my body, leaving my heart rate going nine to the dozen and my drunken self panicking that I was going to die. 

Finally, the mother of all hangover prevention cures. The one, the only, the ALKA SELTZER. My housemate Lucy got me onto this and I've never looked back since. These fizzy asprin tablets are sent from the Gods. Dissolve a couple in a small amount of water (they taste gross) and down it before you go to bed. Honestly, these tablets of beauty got me through 5 days of solid alcohol consumption at Glastonbury 2010. If you do wake up with a hangover, another cheeky Alka Seltzer in the morning will sort you out within the hour.

Oh, and make yourself a bacon sandwich, you absolute mess. And get on with your work.

Lesson 7 - Eurgh....what do I do when I'm unwell?

With all those germs floating around uni, you're going to get ill at some point. Fact. All you're going to want to do is leg it home to your mum. Buuuuut, uni's all about coping in the big wide world on your lonesome. So, here's my guide to what to do when you get a bit poorly. 

If you've got a cold, there's nothing quite like a Lemsip. I'm not looking for free cold and flu medication by promoting them by the way, it really is some good stuff. At first (back in the day), it came in standard swallow-with-water tablets or sachets that you could put in boiling water. Now they have invented one mega-tablet. You can either swallow them as you would a normal tablet or dissolve them in hot water. ALL IN THE SAME TABLET! It blew my mind. Crack out the lemsip, chuck on a DVD and feel sorry for yourself for a bit.

On the offchance that you actually feel like death, get yourself to a doctor. I don't want to sound like your mum, but the longer you leave an actual problem, you face it getting worse. A lot of universities have medical centres either on campus or affiliated with them, so they'll be used to students and all their moans and groans.

Feeling a little bit under the weather, but can't justify medication? Get yourself to bed! Uni can exhaust even the most hardcore of party animals and there is nothing like a cheeky sleep to sort yourself out. You'll wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world!

Oh, and sexual health checks people. Be safe, not sorry....and all that.

Lesson 6 - Searching for a job...

So, it seems that when it comes to job hunting there really is no time like the present. I started my job hunt at the beginning of the Christmas holidays, only to find that TWO of the schemes I had my eye on had September application deadlines. 

The Civil Service fast track stream is renowned for taking on a fair few graduates from different disciplines each year. Here's a quote from their site: "All schemes will be closing on the 30th November, with the exception of the Analytical Fast Stream which will close on the 18th October 2010". So, I only missed by about a fortnight, but it's still a right kick in the walnuts.

I have found that you really need to start putting your feelers before you start your final year, to make absolutely sure that a good opportunity doesn't manage to pass you by. Try and avoid that negative attitude that inevitably comes from reading all of the stories about graduate unemployment and get yourself into gear. There are schemes, internships and jobs out there, all it takes is time and effort on your part.

Another cheeky bit of advice I'd give you is to print off two copies of every application form. Your first is your draft copy and then you can meticulously copy every detail onto the second form. There is nothing worse than making a mistake on your form and not have a backup ready to go. 

So far, I've applied for 2 jobs, 2 training schemes and an internship. It's almost certainly not enough, but it's a start!

Lesson 5: Halfway there

So, for me it's week 6 which means essays and my dissertation are piling up and procrastination is in full swing. Never before have my facebook friends been so stalked, spotify playlists are go-go-go and I've styled my hair in four different ways this morning alone. I'm just trying to get that studious "look" you know....?


The halfway point marks, for me at least, a horrible time. While lesson 4 tells you how to control stress, it doesn't tell you how to get rid of it. That's because, as of yet, I haven't found a cure. If there is one, WHY OH WHY don't they give it out on the streets I ask you? If you've got a reading week, I ask you to cherish it like Simon Cowell cherishes tooth whitener. For goodness sake, use it wisely as well!


As well as stress, I know I'm not the only one who is partial to a cheeky bit of homesickness at the halfway stage. The trick is, I find, keeping yourself busy. If you actually concentrate on your essay, rather than start daydreaming about a time when life was simpler, when the skies seemed more blue, the grass more green (if you actually dream about the grass seeming more green, seek help) and food cooked itself as if by magic, the weeks will pass before you know it. And then you'll be sorry you ever wanted to be back home. What's that Mum? The dishwasher won't empty itself? Ohhhhhhhhh no. 

Lesson 4: Coping with STRESS!

If anyone tells you they don't tend to suffer from stress, chances are, they're lying. We all get stressed from time to time. It only becomes a real problem if you don't deal with it very well. So, here's my top tips for coping with stress.

• Don't leave anything to the last minute. If you give yourself plenty of time to do that essay/lab report, it won't seem like such a huge task.
• Don't be scared to say no. If you really can't do a favour for a friend because you've got loads on, there are ways of letting people down gently. Perfect these and you'll be just fine. Careful though, you might not get a favour in return.
• Tell your friends how you're feeling. They're probably in the same boat as you and might have their own pieces of advice. 
• Take time to chill out. Set aside some time where you can just kick back and relax. This is absolutely vital. The more stressed you are, the less productive you'll be and the reason for your stress will only get bigger.
• Get some sleep. This might seem like a simple one, but making sure you get at least 8 hours kip is often something which is overlooked by students. Ask the people who frequent the library at 3am. They'll tell you how important sleep is.
• As with everything else, be sensible. If you've got an assignment to work on, a night out on the lash might seem like what you need, but trying to do an essay with a hangover is horrific. Sometimes, you just have to miss a night out. 
• On the other hand, make sure you leave time to have fun. If you spend all of your university life getting stressed in the confines of the library, you're not getting the most out of the wealth of opportunities available at uni. 
• If you're really not coping, there's no harm in going to see someone. A seminar leader, your academic advisor, or your university counsellor. 

Lesson 3: What to take to uni?

So, you're accommodation is sorted, so is your course, you're all ready to make the big move. But what on earth do you take with you? You're trying to create yourself a home from home but you might not have an awful lot of space to do it in if you're in the average student residences.


Check your university website to see if they have a list of things to bring. A lot of universities send out a list within their guides to accommodation, so it's worth having a look around to see what's already going to be in your halls and what you're going to need to take. for instance, I needed to take a duvet with me, my brother didn't. You can't assume things will be provided, nor can you pack your entire room.


Why not try and go through what you use in a day? Wake up in your bed (duvet, pillow, sheets), stumble to the bathroom and have a shower (shower gel, shampoo, conditioner). Brush your teeth (toothbrush, toothpaste) and go downstairs for some breakfast (bowls, spoons) and so on. 


Remember, even if you have forgotten something, it isn't the end of the world. You can either buy one or (if it's a teddy that you thought you didn't want but actually can't sleep without) it can be sent to you. Ideally though, you want to avoid these situations, so start packing about a week in advance. You'll find that as you go about your day-to-day business at home, you'll remember more and more stuff that you need! Maybe you should leave it to Dad to pack the car.....