Lesson 9 - My guide to rubbish student telly

Whether you watch it on catch-up online, on your tellybox or just buy DVD boxsets, there are a few staples in any student diet vis a vis television. From trashy to trendy, funny to flippant, every student needs some downtime after a long day in the library. So, here's a short and simple guide to rubbish telly and where to find it. 

First up, and oh how it pains me to write this, it's GLEE. My housemates and I refused to watch the first series, dismissing it all as trashy rubbish that ruined our favourite songs. Now, we're hooked. Maybe it's because we caught on late, after Gleemania had reached it's peak, but the squeaky clean singing and cheesy storylines don't seem as annoying. Put simply, Glee is a funny, tongue-in-cheek look at life when you're not the coolest of kids. And I HEART Sue Sylvester. 

For something completely different, try EMBARRASSING BODIES for size. For goodness sake don't watch it when you're eating your dinner though. Your macaroni cheese will start to look like that guy's fungal infection. Gross. For some reason, this cringeworthy look at the itchy, scratchy, smelly and downright disturbing things that are wrong with people is totally addictive. Be warned, it can be guilty viewing though, as you'll find yourself thinking; "I am so glad I'm not them right now". Why people choose to get their inverted nipples/green penises/purple backsides out on national telly, I'm not sure. But I'm ruddy glad they do. Even if I'm hiding behind a cushion a lot of the time.

For the guiltiest of guilty pleasures, check out THE ONLY WAY IS ESSEX. No one is really certain about how to classify TOWIE. It's not quite a soap, they're real people you're watching. It's not quite a documentary either, because some of the scenes are set up. My LORDY it is a drama though! The Only Way is Essex hit out screens in late 2010 and had a nation hooked. Bringing the phrase "Oh shu'up" (oh, shut up, but much more common and hilarious) to our screens, TOWIE has left us all asking big questions. Who kissed who when? Why does Lauren keep going back to Mark? Why does Harry insist on doing the splits every 20 seconds? And how on earth are they all that orange? Sit back, relax and prepare yourself to be completely involved in the lives of some random club promoters and big-breasted girls from Brentwood. Oh shu'up!

An honourable mention goes to TOTAL WIPEOUT, which can fill an hour of your life with ease. There's really nothing quite like watching someone run at, and consequently bounce off, some massive red balls. The show should come with a warning: you will definitely want to enter Total Wipeout, and most assault courses will look extremely appealing. 

Along these lines, if you're into schadenfraude (taking pleasure in the pain of others), JEREMY KYLE needs to be in your life. It's Jerry Springer, but Jezza gets angrier than Jerry and it's filmed in Manchester. DNA test results and lie detector results are the best; if you switch on and luck out with a "results" show, you are permitted to do a little cheer.

Finally, the mother of all student telly - FRIENDS. First aired way back in 1994, Friends is a timeless classic that has well and truly become the big daddy in terms of student television diets. There's always an episode on, it will always make you have a little chuckle and sometimes, just sometimes, you might shed a cheeky tear or two. Any man, woman or beast who gets through a university degree without watching a single episode of Friends deserves a medal. Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe transport themselves into student living rooms across the country every single day. And by God, do we love them for it. Guaranteed, you and your mates will be trying to work out which of you is which "friend". If you can't work out which of you is Phoebe...chances are, it's you.

Where can I find them?

Total Wipeout - BBC1 and BBC3

Glee and Friends - E4

Embarrassing Bodies - C4

TOWIE - ITV2

Lesson 8 - The hangover prevention

The big mumma of all cures

We've all been there - the morning after the night before. You wake up with a serious case of DMS (dry mouth syndrome), a horrific headache and your stomach is really not happy with you and your abuse of it last night. If you had a burger/kebab/cheesy chips, man are you in some serious trouble.

So, being the lush, lovely and really kind student blogger that I am, I've been there, heard the stories and am opening the door on the ultimate hangover cures. 

First up, arguably the most controversial of all hangover cures - the much fabled T.C., or tactical chunder. By the way, I am NOT AT ALL saying getting so drunk you're sick is ok, far from it. However, if necessary, the tactical chunder can go some way to stopping your hangover from being completely immobilising. Once you get yourself into a toilet when you're drunk, it's surprisingly easy to just bring some of it up. 

Second, get yourself some toast when you get home from your night out. You'll go some way to soaking up some of that alcohol, as well as give yourself some time before going to bed to sober up a tad. 

Next up, water is your friend. I used to make sure I downed a pint of water before I went to bed and my mate still swears by a couple of pints before he hits the sack. However, I personally found that gulping down water would send the alcohol shooting around my body, leaving my heart rate going nine to the dozen and my drunken self panicking that I was going to die. 

Finally, the mother of all hangover prevention cures. The one, the only, the ALKA SELTZER. My housemate Lucy got me onto this and I've never looked back since. These fizzy asprin tablets are sent from the Gods. Dissolve a couple in a small amount of water (they taste gross) and down it before you go to bed. Honestly, these tablets of beauty got me through 5 days of solid alcohol consumption at Glastonbury 2010. If you do wake up with a hangover, another cheeky Alka Seltzer in the morning will sort you out within the hour.

Oh, and make yourself a bacon sandwich, you absolute mess. And get on with your work.